


The Vice Quadrant

by orphan_account



Category: Steam Powered Giraffe
Genre: The Vice Quadrant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 17:21:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4795874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I don’t think we should play that game anymore.” Hatchworth looked behind him to see The Spine helping Rabbit out from under the table as well. Hatchworth’s attention then turned to the window across from the table in front of him.</p><p>All they saw from outside were small dots of light in the distance and a large blue and green sphere in front of them.</p><p>The Earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Vice Quadrant

It was a hot day in San Diego. The hottest yet, in fact. If it hadn’t been for the fans blowing air around Walter Manor, Everyone probably would be exhausted on the couch. Instead, Walter Manor was as busy as ever, The Walter Girls were running around making sure everything was in check, while a Steve Negrete was figuring out the air conditioning since, to the human’s dismay, It had stopped working the day before. 

The robots on the other hand, were as chipper as can be. 

If chipper means completely out of ideas. 

“We can’t just make a whole album about bagels, Rabbit.” The Spine groaned, crossing the words ‘The Four Bagels’ off from a whiteboard, earning a pout from the pink-haired bot. The three robots were gathered around the whiteboard in the break room, as no one usually uses it due to the massive amount of other entertainment rooms in the large manor, and were currently struggling to find ideas and inspiration for their next big album. 

“Is that a statement or a challenge, The Spine?” Hatchworth raised his hand and asked. The Spine was about to reply, when Rabbit gasped. 

“The Four Amigos! And all the amigos can be heroes and also best friends. It can be a western, you l-l-like westerns, right?” Rabbit suggested, The Spine rubbed his temple and leaned against the wall. 

“We’re not going to get any work done if you keep suggesting stupid things.” He muttered while Rabbit ran to write her idea on the board. She stopped and gave him a heartbroken look. 

“Stupid? How can Barbie’s Malibu Quad Racing Beach Party be a stupid thing?” She asked him, looking like a kicked puppy. “You’re the one that put ‘Quadruplet Queens’ as an idea? That’s a stupid thing.” 

“It is not. It’s smart, Rabbit. Unlike everything you’ve suggested!” The Spine’s face heated up, yelling at Rabbit. Her eyebrows were knit together in anger. 

“Oh y-y-yeah? Well... Well,” She said, looking around, trying to think of the right words, “You’re a poophead.” 

“Very mature, Rabbit.” The Spine chuckled. “You know, if it weren't for you guys screwing around all the time we might have an album out by now!” 

Hatchworth raised his hand, but the siblings were going at it now and no one would call on him. 

“‘You Guys’ screwing around, The Spine? Um,” Rabbit popped her hip and put her hand on it, “Who was it that was running around the manor trying to get the Walter Girls drenched with the Bazooka Soaker 5000?” 

“That was you, Rabbit.” 

“Oh, Right.” 

Hatchworth had enough of the fighting. While the two were in each others faces, he slipped out of the break room successfully. He’d been trying to tell the bots to stop fighting all afternoon, but they just wouldn’t listen to him or any of his ideas, they were set on their own paths. Hatchworth had the idea of The Fourth Day of Reckoning, sure, but he had other great ideas working in his head too. He just needed to think more about the things around him. 

So naturally, Hatchworth went to the basement. 

Whenever Hatchworth got upset or confused or anything negative, he’d go to the basement where the very vault was that he stayed in and it usually reminded him of all the thoughts he had thunk up in it. He stepped through the empty doorway but realized it was the wrong empty doorway when he stepped into the Room of Reasoning instead. There was no use going into a room with a bunch of books and newspaper clippings, gross. He walked right out and headed to the door on the left, the actual door to the basement. The basement used to be pretty dark, but after Peter VI found out Hatchworth frequently visited, he put in some soft lights in there, which Hatchworth really enjoyed because they didn’t stress out his photoreceptors. He stepped down the stairs to the stuffy basement, taking the time to enjoy each creak he made under his feet. 

It was a pretty small basement for a pretty big manor. It also hadn’t been touched in years, only by Hatchworth’s occasional visits. He liked it though, it was one of the only rooms he could have total privacy. 

Dust came from the ceiling as he heard a feminine shriek and a voice yell “RABBIT, THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO USE YOUR FLAMETHROWER.” On normal days, this would have concerned the mustachioed robot, but they’ve been trying to come up with album ideas for a couple days now, and The Spine is just lucky she didn’t pull out the chainsaw again like last week. The Walter Girls were sure to stop her before anything really got damaged, so he just sighed and flicked on his lights. 

The room lit up, the vault shadowed by various clutter. Shelves, many of them, lined the basement, carrying things from old sports trophies to rusting robotic pieces. A few of Rabbit’s old faceplates were even spaced around the area, unused for years by their owner. He wanted to look through one shelf in particular, the Memory Shelf, he liked to call it. It held many photographs in frames of times he missed while inside the vault. It also had many newspapers, saved up for when he was finally released from the vault. Many items of pop culture even lined it, records, CDs, VHS tapes, memories he didn’t experience. He loved it though, it meant people actually remembered him outside of his vault while he was in there thinking they forgot. 

He was about to pick up an old photo, one of an old Peter, when he heard a tiny pitter pat of feet and looked in front of the photo to see a familiar black spider. “Charlotte! I haven’t visited in a while, the band’s really working hard trying to think of the next album.” He caught his friend uo to speed, putting his hand out for her to climb up on, as she liked. She didn’t though, she seemed to have another idea. She climbed down one of her many webs in the basement to the shelf under all the photographs. “Char? Where you going, friend?” 

He followed her journey until she stopped on a pile of newspapers. “You want me to read these?” He asked. The spider lifted her two front legs and put them down, a sign he taught her for ‘no’. He picked up the newspapers anyway, being careful of his friend on them. To his surprise, there were only two newspapers. The rest of the stack was a box. “Oh. You wanted me to get the box?” He looked back at the paper. She stomped her left front leg. Yes. He set the newspapers back down onto the Memory Shelf, they were all about a Peter he never met, who was lost in space years ago, so he didn’t really need them right now. He placed the box on the floor and plopped down in front of it to try and wipe the grime off of the top. He could barely make out what the once-colorful box had on it, but he saw in the darkness that there were things glowing. He only realized those glowing things were supposed to be stars after spotting a spaceship in the corner of the box. He wiped more at the box with his glove and a bit of dampness from the steam arising from his pipe. 

“The Vice Quadrant?” Hatchworth read. The words were written in the middle of the box, along with the tagline ‘A Gripping Space Adventure!’. He took the top off of the box, revealing a game board, ready to play. He lifted the board, expecting to find smaller pieces like Monopoly! or Life but there was nothing. Only the game board, which he realized had everything built into it. The game pieces were automated, by the looks of it, and they also were small red and blue spaceships. They were at the beginning of a long and winding course through space. There were only two, though, meaning one of the robots was to be left out of the space adventure. Hatchworth suddenly got a great idea and grabbed the board and shot up, running out of the basement with his new game. 

“....I will not apologize until you apologize.” 

“Apologize for what?” 

“Rabbit, you burned my favorite hat! 

“Y-Y-You have, like, a thousand more just like it, dumbins!” 

Hatchworth ran into the break room and plopped the game board onto the table, startling Rabbit and The Spine and breaking them away from their argument. The Spine’s hat was burnt in multiple places, but it wasn't anything for him to worry about. He instead was intrigued by whatever Hatchworth just brought in. 

“You guys have been fighting nonstop for the past week now,” Hatchworth complained, “I really just want you to sit down and share some family fun or something peaceful for once!” He motioned to the game and Rabbit’s face turned to disgust. 

“H-H-Hatchy, we’s got no time for games right now! The Spine won’t agree with me!” She whined and The Spine glared at her. 

“You mean you won’t agree when I say your ideas are-” 

“STOP!” Hatchworth yelled, making both of them jump. “I just want one day of fun. No titles, no ideas, no fighting!” He went over and positioned Rabbit into a chair, with The Spine taking a seat across from her. “Please just let this rest for once. I want you guys to get along.” 

“Uh, Hatchy, w-w-where the hell did you even get this?” Rabbit asked, staring confused at the game. 

“You know, Peter told you to stop cursing, Rabbit.” The Spine pointed out, crossing his feet on the table and resting. 

“Hell? Hell isn’t even the worst thing I’ve said! You wanna hear a real curse word? F-” 

“I got it from the basement, Charlotte showed it to me.” Hatchworth cut in before Rabbit got too crazy. Rabbit looked at the Spine and then back at Hatchworth and shrugged. 

She looked at the game for a bit. “There aren’t any d-d-d-dice or anything. How do I start?” She asked Hatchworth, sweetly. The Spine grimaced at the fake sweetness. 

“I think you turn the key on the left and then press the “Go” button. That’s what it said on the box.” Rabbit did just that, the key clicked into place once she turned it twice. She pressed the button and the number printed next to it started to spin inside the game board. Once it stopped, it showed the number ‘4’. 

“Now what?” Rabbit asked, she tried to move the rocketship, the blue one, before it started moving on it’s own. “It’s automatic? I’ve never played a game like-” She squeaked as she was cut off by a Ding! noise from the game. A card had popped out above the number and button. She grabbed it and brought it up to her face. 

“The Vice Does Tight, Prepare for Shower? What does that mean? Do I smell bad or something?” She looked at Hatchworth, but he had no idea. 

“It’s automatic, right?” The Spine said, “The game board could do something.” He nudged the game board a bit in response when they heard a WOOSH! and The Spine’s hat was gone. Everyone got up from their seats as the Spine grabbed his head. “My hat! Rabbit!” 

“I didn’t do anything! I’m over here-” She said, before a glowing rock violently dropped through the ceiling and landed in front of her. “What the f-” More rocks were coming quicker and quicker into the room until it was difficult to move without getting in the way of one. 

“Shower!” Hatchworth cried, “Meteor Shower! We need to get somewhere safe!” He grabbed Rabbit’s arm and The Spine followed after him as he ran out of the break room and into the hallway. The meteors kept ripping through the ceiling, not stopping for anything or anyone. Hatchworth ran through the hallway with the other bots, his destination on the right, the dining room. He quickly shoved Rabbit under the huge oak table of theirs and got under with her, The Spine right behind them. Hatchworth curled into a ball, his arms around his legs, and winced at every loud bang of a meteor hitting the table hard. It calmed only after 5 minutes, as the clock in Hatchworth’s mind told him. He slowly lifted himself out from under the table, looking around the room at the charred bits of carpet, some rocks stuck in them. 

“Can I say my curse word n-now?” Rabbit said, looking at the dining room in awe. 

“I don’t think we should play that game anymore.” Hatchworth looked behind him to see The Spine helping Rabbit out from under the table as well. Hatchworth’s attention then turned to the window across from the table in front of him. 

“Is it night time already?” He thought out loud, heading towards the window. He immediately felt something drop inside of him when all he saw was black. “Uh, that shouldn’t...” 

“Hey, guys?” Everyone turned to the doorway, where Walter Girl Camille stood, obviously frightened. “You need to see this.” 

Everyone slowly followed Camille out of the dining room, heading towards the front entrance. When they got there, they stood there in shock, unable to take another step. 

All they saw from outside were small dots of light in the distance and a large blue and green sphere in front of them. 

The Earth.

**Author's Note:**

> heyooooo wow i haven't written SPG in so long, so much has changed bro
> 
> so here's my zathura/spg fic bc i watched the movie the other day and was like 'wow i should make this about spg' and sure enough, here we are
> 
> i also have a captain america/bucky barnes fic im in the process of starting right now, so if you're into that, keep a look out
> 
> bye


End file.
